How to Talk to Women

Understanding women can feel like navigating an entirely different world, especially for men who naturally lean towards action and fixing things. Women tend to communicate through emotional connection, and they express love through sharing, nurturing, and receiving. To truly understand women, a man needs to learn to appreciate the emotional landscape where she operates, which may seem foreign but is filled with depth and meaning. A male mindset connects men together, but it rarely invites a feminine connection for companionship.

Women as Receivers, Men as Givers

Women are naturally receivers. Their emotional world is built around connection, absorption, and transformation. Just as men find fulfillment in giving, women find fulfillment in receiving and nurturing what’s given to them. You may not realize it initially but think about how the male desires to give raw material and has a desire for that raw material to be transformed. When a man gives—whether it’s his attention, his time, or his love—she takes it in, nurtures it, and multiplies it. That’s where she finds her strength and joy. A woman can turn the 'completed' materials of a house into a home, seed into a child, a compliment into confidence, or a conversation into deeper emotional intimacy. Women take what is given (out of joy) and delight in the emotional transformation of it.

But here’s where the disconnect can happen. Men often approach problems by giving solutions and fixing things because that’s their way of contributing. Women, on the other hand, are often looking for emotional support, validation, and connection. When a woman shares her feelings, she’s not asking for a solution—she’s inviting you into her emotional experience. She doesn't find comfort in the physical world as much as she does in the emotional.

For comparison, imagine you go to your wife and tell her about a problem you have and need help with (physically), and instead she offers emotional support but refuses to help you physically. That is how it feels when a woman asks for help, and you give her physical support (through solutions) rather than emotional support. Keep in mind, you are coming from two entirely different worlds which are difficult to relate to. But just as the head needs the heart for both to feel alive, these two worlds (physical and emotional/male and female) need both to truly feel full of life. If the head tried to make the heart carry out brain functions, or the heart tried to cause the brain to abandon its role and start pumping blood, it would bring death upon both organs.

Different Approaches & The Disconnect

Imagine a man comes home from work and notices his wife is upset. She tells him that she had a rough day, feeling overwhelmed by the kids, work, and the general stress of life. His immediate response might be, "Why don’t we get you some help around the house? Maybe I can arrange for you to have a break this weekend." He offers solutions because, in his mind, this is the best way to help—it’s how he shows he cares. But she doesn’t seem comforted by his suggestions. She responds, "I just needed you to listen." He feels confused, maybe even a little frustrated. He’s thinking, I’m trying to help, why isn’t she appreciating it?

For her, the conversation wasn’t about the solutions. It was about sharing her emotions. When a woman shares what’s on her mind, she’s not always looking for you to fix it. She wants to be heard, understood, and emotionally supported. Her need is to receive your presence in her emotions, not just your problem-solving skills. What she’s really asking is for you to be there with her in that moment, listening and empathizing. When you hear "I need you to listen", try to imagine it as her way of saying "I value your existence, and I want you to be here with me. I don't want to make you do more for me, you already do enough, and I appreciate it so much, just be here and I will be satisfied."

Why Women Absorb Emotions

Women naturally absorb the emotions around them, especially from the people they love. Since women are emotional and emotions radiate, they can quickly spiral by feeding off their own emotions or emotions of others around them. If a woman starts to feel rejected, they radiate that emotion and then take it back in again, causing a vicious cycle of thoughts - replaying every instance of rejection they've ever felt.

When a man shares his stress or frustration, she takes it in emotionally because that’s how she’s wired. This is why women can often feel emotionally burdened when their partner is stressed, even if he doesn’t openly talk about it. She will receive his energy and feel the emotional weight of it. It’s a powerful form of empathy, but it can also become overwhelming if she’s constantly receiving emotional burdens without any balance.

If she’s not receiving quality emotional support or love from her partner, her ability to receive starts to diminish. She may feel emotionally drained, stressed, and disconnected, because her emotional "tank" is running on empty.

Why It’s Hard for Givers to Understand Receivers

For a man, giving is action-based. He shows love by doing—whether it’s through providing, fixing, or solving problems. So, it can be hard for him to understand the value of receiving. To him, receiving might feel passive, like he’s not contributing anything. He may struggle to understand why simply being present is so meaningful to his partner. He’s wired to act, so sitting still and listening may seem like he’s doing nothing, when he’s offering the exact form of 'giving' she needs. His presence and emotional support is increasing his value to her as a whole for it, rather than just valuing him for an individual item or task. This is also why women become very close friends without either of them being natural 'givers', but they adore and value their close friends because the 'giving' they recieve from one another is in the form of emotional presence.

On the other hand, women may struggle to understand why their partner is so focused on action. For her, love is often communicated through emotional connection, not just what someone does. She may feel confused when her partner focuses on fixing things, thinking he’s missing the emotional point. But for him, giving is his way of showing love—he just expresses it in a more physical, action-oriented way.

The Burnout of Giving and Receiving

Just as a man can burn out from constantly giving without receiving appreciation, a woman can burn out from constantly receiving stress or emotional burdens without emotional support. Imagine a woman who spends her days absorbing the stress of work, family, and life without receiving quality emotional support from her partner. Over time, she will feel depleted, unable to nurture or connect because her emotional well has run dry.

Now, imagine a man who constantly gives—whether it’s through work, solving problems, or supporting his family—but doesn’t feel like his efforts are recognized or appreciated. He will eventually feel burnt out, thinking that his giving isn’t valued, and he may withdraw emotionally. Women feel this same way when it comes to 'giving depletion'.

The Well

Think of a relationship like a well. A man fills the well with water through his giving—whether it’s through action, love, or support. His efforts, his work, and his care are like the water being poured into the well. The woman, in turn, draws from that well. She uses the emotional nourishment and support that he provides to create warmth, connection, and intimacy in their relationship. For her to nurture and sustain the emotional life of the relationship, she needs that steady flow of water.

But if the man stops filling the well—if he feels unappreciated, unseen, or like his efforts don’t matter—the well begins to run dry. Without the water he provides, the woman has nothing to draw from, and her ability to nurture and give emotionally becomes depleted. She can’t create emotional intimacy or connection if the well is empty.

At the same time, if the woman is constantly drawing from the well without offering back appreciation, love, or emotional connection, the man may feel like his giving is pointless. He’ll become discouraged, wondering why he’s putting in so much effort if nothing is being reflected to him.

The well must be continually filled and drawn from for the relationship to thrive. The man provides the water through his giving, and the woman draws it out, using it to create emotional warmth and connection. Both roles are essential—without water, the well is empty, and without drawing from it, the water becomes stagnant. When both partners play their roles, the well stays full, and the relationship remains alive and thriving.

What Women Want

This is the million dollar question that every guy wants to know. Women want to feel understood and emotionally supported. They want to know that their feelings matter, that their emotions are seen and valued. This doesn’t mean you have to fix everything for her—it means being present with her emotions. When she shares something, try to listen without immediately offering solutions. Sometimes, just saying, "That sounds really tough, I’m here for you," is all she needs.

Women also want to feel secure. This security doesn’t always come from physical or material things—it often comes from emotional connection. When a woman feels emotionally secure, she feels safe to be herself, to express her emotions, and to share her vulnerabilities. This is why emotional presence is so important in a relationship.

Even if you want to solve a simple problem, these guidelines will help. For example, don't ask, "What do you want to eat" demanding a physical solution disconnected from an emotional connection. Instead ask, "How would you feel about hanging out and eating Chinese food tonight?" prompting an emotional support solution.

When to Fix and When to Listen

Whereas men introspectively look for solutions before voicing the solution, women verbally work through their process after having done introspection while trying to find a solution.

This can be very difficult for men to determine when they should engage in emotional support vs helping with solutions. Additionally, there is another layer of difficulty because if they are looking for solution help, they don't want to be interupted while they sort out the issue verbally - but if they don't want a solution, then they can feel unheard if you sit there and just listen since they are looking for emotional connection through conversation.

For example, a wife might say:

"There's a huge mess in the kitchen, I don't know where to start, and I thought maybe I should do the floor first, because I'm going insane with the sticky floor from the juice spill, but then if I clean the floor, then I'll just have to do it again after I wipe the countertops! I don't want to do double work, and I'm feeling overwhelmed."

Every man at this point will be thinking of all the possible solutions and unsure of which path to take. Their thoughts will be something like:

If I validate her frustration and listen, it might cause her to be more upset because I am not offering to help. But what if I offer to help and cause her to be more upset because I'm trying to fix a problem instead of just listening and validating her feelings?

It almost seems hopeless. When should you chime in, when do you offer help, do you offer help, do you just listen? All these thoughts are racing through the man's mind as his wife is talking.

Identifying the Issue Type

The first step is identifying the issue. Is this an issue that requires solutions or is it one that requires listening and empathy? If the conversation is about a task or chore, then it is acceptable to offer a solution, if the conversation is not task-related, then she is looking for empathy.

Offering Solutions

When men come up with solutions and someone builds off their idea, they view it as teamwork and acceptance. Men bounce ideas off one another, constantly improving it until there is nothing left to improve and then they implement the solution. This is vastly different from the female approach. Men feel empowerment through teamwork and collaboration even when presented with a difficult task that may not be possible. On the other side, women feel more empowered when given manageable responsibility that can be accomplished without a doubt.

When women are emotional and trying to come up with a solution, it is often because they feel that they are losing control over something they feel responsible for. If you try to improve on their solution, it will come across as rejection of their idea, stealing their idea and credit, or taking away their ability to have control. While men are just trying to help, it will come across as an attack on their compentency or ability to handle the situation. This can lead to feelings of defensiveness or frustration, as men may not realize that their intentions to assist could be interpreted as undermining the woman’s autonomy or emotional process.

Navigating the Mind of a Woman

Some husbands can simply ask, "Do you want a solution, or my presence" and she will tell you which one she is looking for, knowing that men and women think differently. For others, this approach will be taken as dismissive and insulting.

Most women would love it for all men to be mind-readers but only in regards to their needs and nothing else. Unfortunately, this is not possible, so instead we've created a flowchart to help navigate the mind of a woman and identify the conversation type and how to present solutions if needed.

Women respond well to empathy. Let her know you’re listening and that her feelings matter. Don’t shut her down when she’s emotional —instead, validate what she’s feeling. This builds trust and emotional intimacy. The more you try to drive the conversation towards physical action, the deeper she will drive herself into emotion. Meet her in her deeper emotional state, and then bring her up with you to find balance again.

If she offers solutions, don't try to improve them right away or offer a better option. This will come across as dismissing her contribution. First, reiterate what she offered (showing you heard her), and then validate her contribution. After that, you can suggest solutions that give her the opportunity to transform them into better solutions. Remember that women feel more valued when they are responsible and capable of transforming what they receive. Give her the concept, let her put it together, and then let you delight in it. Think of a house you provide, and she is able to turn it into a home but afterwards she wants to see the joy of you dwelling in it.

The Art of Connection

To connect emotionally with a woman, the key is presence. Don’t rush to solve her problems right away. Instead, listen. Ask questions that show you care about how she feels: "How did you feel about that?" or "What can I do to support you right now?" By acknowledging her emotions, you validate her experience, which deepens the connection between you.

At the same time, women appreciate when men can be vulnerable. Sharing your emotions, even in small doses, helps her feel closer to you. While it might seem self-absorbed, women are emotional pack creatures. If they are upset, they want you to validate and be on their team assuring them that their emotions are valid and you (or anyone in their situation) would share those same emotions. Also commend them when they handled the situation better than others would have, for example: "Wow, you handled that really well." Also by sharing your feelings on the matter, you can provide some healthy relationship building and divert the discussion away from lashon hara (evil speech/gossip).

For example, if she says, "Today was difficult. A lady at the store yelled at me for taking her parking spot, and she was miserable to deal with. I just wanted to get to my car, and she wouldn't stop blocking my path and yelling at me," then you can respond with "that must have been really upsetting. What did you do?". Then give her time to vent and use you as a support. Then slowly ease out of negative emotions and into positive by saying, "This month has been really odd lately, I had something happen to me earlier too. What do you think is going on?" This shifts the conversation away from personal attacks towards others and focusing on broader subjects. It will take them out of the microscopic view of single interactions which can be aggressive and into larger pictures where things are calmer. It's like looking at an ocean from a bird's eye view rather than having your face on the sand of the shoreline with waves repeatedly hitting your face. Recognize where they are, and slowly help them find supportive emotional rebalancing (not physical solutions).

When in emotional dialogue, remember that she wants to receive your emotional world too, not just your actions. It can be hard to open up, but even a little emotional sharing goes a long way in making her feel like she’s part of your inner world. She wants you to share in her emotions, not just receive them. The deeper the emotional connection, the better. Just make sure to come up for the bird's eye view so you don't get depleted or cause a feeding cycle of negative emotions.

Correcting and Criticism

If something needs to change, the way you bring it up matters. Harsh criticism can make a woman feel like her emotions are dismissed. Instead of saying, "You’re always so emotional," try, "I want to understand what’s making you feel this way." This shifts the conversation from judgment to curiosity, inviting her to share more.

For correction and change to be valid, you need to express your emotions and how it makes you feel or how it would make you feel. Women connect on an emotional level, so you need to relay the information on an emotional level, depending on the subject, you might not be able to be straight-forward with your wants. Women communicate through emotion, not words. This is why you'll hear women complain that men never listen, but they themselves aren't saying anything. They expect you to listen to their emotions behind the words, not the words themselves.

I had a dream!

There is one question that many men have. "Why am I told about every detail of a dream?!" Women are rooted in the emotional! The dream was a multi-hour rollercoaster of emotions - it contained confusion, happiness, sadness, frustration, among a dozen other feelings. To her, the emotions are reality. While men look at a dream and think, "Weird, back to the real world", and then move on with their lives; women experience a dream and it becomes an raw emotional interpretation of the real world. This is why if a woman dreams of her husband cheating on her, she can be mad for hours or a full week because it is still part of her reality. There is a hidden underlying meaning behind the dream that is negative about her husband. When she shares her dream, she is expressing her highly valued emotional experience with you, not the physical world experience. She is also looking for clarity in thought, how should she understand this and what does it mean? It's unfiltered emotions separated from logic and can be distressing as she searches to assign meaning to it.

In the 'cheating husband dream', the foreign woman could be a personification of a the husband's work. To her, the dream woman was an interpretation of her husband working too much and not spending enough time with her. The emotions derived from the dream are valid to her because they are an extension of the physical world which blocked her from feeling it.

Conclusion

Understanding women means learning to appreciate the emotional connection they crave. Women want to feel heard, valued, and emotionally supported. While men often express love through action, women express it through emotional presence. By being present, listening, and sharing your own emotions, you create a balance of giving and receiving that strengthens the relationship. When both partners understand and value each other’s roles, they build a deeper, more fulfilling connection.